i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
