They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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