Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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