batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
