Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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