K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
