you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
