so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
