I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
