i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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