You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
