I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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