do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
