bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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