I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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