I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i believe in u and ur pee
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
