why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
