we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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