I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
