11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
