Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
