You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
