Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
