i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
