On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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