ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
