sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
