im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Girls should come with a carfax report
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
