So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
