At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
