How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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