I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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