Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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