when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
