Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
