Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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