Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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