How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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