so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
