OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize