I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
there is glitter all over my balls
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
