Are we in a gay sports bar?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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