I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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