Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
