I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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