what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
