I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
