Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
