Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
