I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
