i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
